My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize