What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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