Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You were trust falling into bushes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
