you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
