i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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