I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize