My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
