Is it normal to miss your booty call?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
