Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
two words: eviction party
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
