Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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