it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
