beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
tell me about the eggs
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
