I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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