I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
