Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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