Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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