i just google imaged poop.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
