My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
