You can't special order awesome
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
