I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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