She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
