so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize