I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize