she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
