I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just want nice things and good sex
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
