Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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