i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
