At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
