Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
