I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
