dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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