Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
