every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
