i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
