I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
