literally had 100 drinks last night.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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