I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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