you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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