What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
