I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
