And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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