Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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