I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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