I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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