I wanna passion pit in your ass
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
