Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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