Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
