just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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