I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize