Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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