My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize