Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
