ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
