I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
