i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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