I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
