Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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