ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize