She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
