you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
