dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
