We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
