Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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