Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My balls are so social today.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
