Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
