Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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