I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
