Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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