I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
