she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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