plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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